A Very Delayed update

Well, it sure has been a long time since I've written anything here!

We've been busy (aren't we all?) and have all kinds of things going on around here.  I haven't written here lately because I keep thinking I'll add something that we've written recently for Momlifetoday.com.  But, I clearly haven't done that.  And, since I haven't, in case you're interested, here are the links to the last few posts:

"Lessons from a Former Orphan"
"Will Love Ever Be Enough?"
"Still Face Experiment"  Jon wrote this and if you have a few minutes, it's well worth your time.

So, I'll try to give a brief update about what's been going on here the last few months.

Spring break 2013

Jon has been enjoying his new job (did I ever mention that??) at Hope for Orphans as the director of FamilyCare.  Since last May he has been using his passions for orphan care, his experience as an adoptive dad, along with his professional training as a psychologist to help adoptive families and to train others in how to help children from hard places, along with other tasks as well.  We feel so blessed and honored to have joined this ministry and are thankful for the opportunities that God is giving us.    

Jian has had a rough few months both at home and at school.  We're thankful that things are improving in the last few weeks and pray that this trend continues.   He's finished with sports for this year and is doing quite well as a freshman in high school.  He's looking forward to football next fall and hoping to be able to make it through more than 1 game.  His arm has healed well, it doesn't look nice, but, we're very grateful that he has full use of it and are hoping that all of the feeling will still return in his little finger.  He's continuing to grow and is almost as tall as I am now (and of course, loves that!)    

Fishing in Corpus Christi

Tanner has grown so much in the last year, I can barely keep him in pants that fit!  We have seen the leukodystrophy affect him more this past year.  His academic and cognitive functioning have decreased as well as his communication skills.  He's slower than he used to be and a little more off balance and weaker as well.  This is sad to see, but not unexpected.  We love to see his smile and how he always wants to help others.  He loves our new chickens and thanks them for the eggs whenever he goes to collect them.

Tanner and "normal brown chicken" (Tanner's name  for her )

Tanner LOVES animals.  This goat was at the Victoria Zoo.

Let's see, what else has been going on.  We've helped to start a deaf church (with another family) in our community this past year. Our boys love to go and we love seeing more people learning about the gospel.  It's so great to see Deaf people see the word of God in their own language!  We're excited to see where God will lead this ministry.

Well, that's the brief update of what's happening here!  Hopefully I'll get around to posting a little more often in the coming months!

Grandma's Goodbye

70th Anniversary Party - Feb. 2011

On November 29th, 2012, my mom called to say Grandma Lenger wanted to talk to me.  She got on the phone and said something like "Shelly, goodbye, I love you, I'll see you again in Heaven" I cried and selfishly asked her to wait a week, since I would be flying to Michigan then, and she replied "I can't, I'm going to Heaven." After saying I love you, we hung up and I sobbed, not so much because she was going to die, but, because I would miss her.  That evening the boys wanted to tell her goodbye as well, so we called again, she woke up when mom told her the boys were calling, they both said I love you and will miss you and Jian told her "have a good trip to Heaven," and she smiled.

Growing up, every Saturday that they were home (they owned a travel agency and often were traveling all around the world) she would take any grandkids that wanted to go, out for breakfast.  After breakfast, in the car, she would sing whatever songs we wanted (and always would obligingly sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" with me, while the cousins and my sisters groaned).  She loved well.  She remembered everyone's birthday & made them feel special.  She left an amazing legacy of caring for others.  For many years they traveled to India taking pictures and videos, and then brought those around America to help others see the need for teaching people in India about their Creator.  Grandma cared for "the least of these" in a quiet, determined way.  She loved our boys.  The best part of that, is they knew that she loved them.  Jian, who struggles with understanding family and knowing what love means, told me the day before she died "Great-grandma Lenger cherishes me." How true that is.  In the last few years, she lost her sight and still would write letters to tell the boys that she loved them.

Christmas 2011

The day after she called me, I flew to Michigan.  I arrived in the evening and I believe she knew I was there, even though she didn't wake up.  Six hours later, at 12:37am on December 1st, I had the true privilege of lying next to her and holding her hand, (along with my mom, and Grandpa - her husband of 71 years) as she took her last breath and went to be with her Lord and Savior.  My Grandpa showed unconditional love in caring for her the last few years as her health was declining, a beautiful example of Christ's love for us.  We will miss her terribly, but, are so very thankful that we will see her again someday!

Family

2 years ago today we officially became a family. What a whirlwind it was to becoming parents a second time!  To us (as parents), that meant something....family.  It meant a new son, one we don't know well yet, but, now the eldest child in our family.  It meant that we would love him, care for him, feed him, provide for him, teach him, discipline him, and guide him.  As parents, it meant as a family we would go on vacations together, attend school functions, help him with his homework and drive him places to participate in events.  It would mean disagreements, saying no, listening to painful parts of his past, and knowing we were not there for his growing up years.  We had expectations, but, tried to keep them in check.

To him, family meant something completely different. It didn't really mean anything. It didn't mean security or safety, love or provision.  Family meant pain and fear, uncertainty and the unknown.  People had always left him, no one took care of him, and no one protected him.  And now he's going to a new country, new culture, new languages, new rules, and a new family.

Holidays and anniversaries are wonderful times for us, full of tradition and memories, fun and time together.  For him, it's more reminders of the pain of the past and the unknown of the future.    Will this family really care for me?  What does love mean?  Will they keep me?

Last year, anticipating celebrating one year as a family was not a time of fun and excitement, though we celebrated.  It was a hard time for everyone.  Though, one year is a very short time to have been a family.  This year, things are different.  They're better. It's been a hard year, but, things are improving.  It was a hard summer with a lot of extended family that caused a lot of heartache for Jian and for us.  Being together seems so joyful to us, and yet it's a constant reminder of what he never had, and he feels left out and uncertain.

He anticipates trips and doing something new, but, being with family does not stir up feelings in a positive way for him.  He doesn't necessarily know what he feels, but, it's a mixture of pain, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness and more.  We're always hoping and praying that by continuing to spend time with family and friends it will help him improve and see what family truly means.

I thought about writing this post at the end of summer when we were struggling and getting ready for school to start.  I never got around to it.

Then, four weeks ago, Jian broke his arm in his first high school football game.  He needed emergency surgery to repair the broken bones with plates and screws.  He then developed compartment syndrome that required 4 days in the hospital and 2 additional surgeries including a skin graft from his thigh.  The road back to health is going to be a long one, but, the benefits to our relationship are immeasurable!  We both stayed with him in the hospital almost non-stop, we had many friends and family come to visit, send cards and food and gifts.  He began to realize THIS is family.  We cried and hurt with him, we took care of him, washing his hands and feet, literally and figuratively.  He was able to see what love really meant.  Despite his pain and not being able to sign with his dominant hand, he was full of thankfulness to everyone who helped him, from the trainers on the field, to those who brought his food and cleaned his room.  It was amazing to see this is who he really is, with uncontrollable pain, he was gracious and kind.  Through this time of struggle, he is recognizing this is what it means to be loved.  The first two weeks after his injury were the best we've had in the last two years.  What seems like it may have been the worst thing to happen to him, has been one of the best things in our relationship.  What an amazing blessing, hidden in what was once one of my greatest fears (I've always been afraid that one of my boys would break an arm and due to their deafness, would be unable to communicate).  We know that we will still struggle and have difficulties, but, we are so thankful for God's grace and provision through this time.

Even in the midst of hardship and pain, family is becoming so much sweeter!  We're so thankful that we'll have a special and memorable time of celebrating two years together tonight!

A Summary of Spring

Well, I've been quite remiss at posting regularly, so, this will be another picture update!  There's been some exciting new changes going on around here, and hopefully we'll get to tell you about them one of these days when I find time to sit down and write!

Until then, here's what we've been up to since early March

Tanner is enjoying the end of the drought!

A fun time with Matt during spring break at the Houston aquarium

Jian's first ferris wheel ride in Houston

A fun trip to Houston to visit Great-grandpa Olson

We had a great week with Grandma Lenger visiting, including a trip to the A&M physics show

Jon had a great trip to Ukraine (part of our exciting new changes :))

Jian's 2nd time in competition to Pole Vault - he won 3rd place at this district meet by jumping 9 feet!

A proud brother!

Jian achieved his personal best for long jump

Tanner achieved his personal best too!

3rd place medal and all his track ribbons for the season

Hattie likes Tanner's Easter books too

Our family walked/ran a 5K to help raise money for Compassion International in Ghana.  Jian won 1st place in his age group and 19th overall (of 252 runners), in his first time running long distance.  This is the best picture from the race - and it was before we even started!

Jian started soccer season last week, he's loving learning a new sport.

Tanner laughing at the kisses from the pre-rodeo petting zoo!

Well, that catches us up for now.  We're all excited to be going to California next week.  Jon will be co-presenting at the Summit VIII, an annual conference about orphan care.  We'll try to post more about that later!

We're still here

WOW!  It's been a while since I've posted here!

Let's see, I'll try to give a brief recap of what's been going on the last 5 months.  Despite having a rough fall  around here we had a lot going on and were still able to make many fun memories!

We enjoyed our friend Charity coming to visit from Indiana.

Fall 2011

Jian loved his first salt water fishing experience with our friends in Rockport, TX.

We had a memorable time when our friends the Meyers came to visit, which included a trip to the pumpkin patch!

We had a fun Thanksgiving in Whitney, TX with all of Jon's family.

Thanksgiving 2011

We went and cut down our Christmas tree - the 2nd time ever for Jian!

We had fun seeing Christmas lights and Tanner liked the snow (ice) they brought in!

We loved the holidays and bowling with friends - apparently we're a little worn out! 

And had fun making gingerbread houses with friends as well!

Then we had a great trip to Michigan to celebrate Christmas - not much snow, but, still a memorable time!

Grandpa and Jian

Jian, Grandma and Tanner

Great-grandpa and Grandma Lenger with the boys

We celebrated Jon's 40th birthday together!

We all had a blast watching the Harlem Globetrotters (thanks Aunt Nece & Uncle Steele)!

Jian finished out the basketball season.  He played on the B team and was the top scorer in all but 2 games!

Jian shooting a freethrow

Then started track!

SO - that's the short, pictorial version of the last 5 months!  We have a lot of things going on, so I'll try to 

update again sometime soon!  

Happy Birthday Jian!

Today we celebrate Jian's 15th birthday!  He woke up so excited this morning and was thrilled to have the table decorated, Dad making him noodles for breakfast, and a couple of gifts to open!  This is his first American birthday and his second birthday with our family.  Last year we celebrated at an Indian restaurant with some friends in China and this year we are celebrating him with friends and family.  Many children adopted from China do not know their actual birth date, but, because of a note left with Jian, we do know that September 29, 1996 is really his birthday!  He loves knowing that bit of information and we're grateful for God's kindness and provision for Jian with that note.What an exciting time, to celebrate his birthday, and at the same time be able to celebrate the amazing gift we have received in our son!

Jian has been talking about this day for a while now, how this will be his first birthday celebration ever, that in China, he was rarely, if ever, told Happy Birthday.  This is such a fun day for all of us!  I can't help but look back and wonder about all of his past birthdays and what he looked like and what he did.  I think back to 15 years ago today, and wonder what that little baby looked like, wonder how big he was, what time he was born, how much hair he had,  how long he was, how much he cried.  I also think about the fact that if he wasn't born deaf we would never have known him, never have been able to be celebrating him, never have seen God's sovereignty played out so clearly in front of our eyes.  What a bittersweet day, it's wonderful to celebrate him and and yet I'm sad for all of the celebrations he's missed with a family.  We're thankful that, Lord willing, there will be many more celebrations to come!  

What a blessing to have this boy brought to us 14 years after his birth, to become a part of our family and be able to praise God for his life!

Happy Birthday Jian Feng Lee Bergeron!

Jian's 1st Adoption Day!

Today we celebrated Jian's adoption day! One year ago today we completed the official paperwork in China for his adoption.  We've been looking at pictures and videos over the last few days of those days one year ago.  

Meeting & chatting with Jian 9/25/2010

Jian has watched the videos many times over the last year and laughed at himself and talked about not understanding a lot of what we were signing.  The last few days have been a little hard for him, probably anticipating the anniversary of his adoption and a lot of feelings being stirred up.  Tonight we had a great time eating dinner with friends at a Chinese restaurant and he was so excited and happier than we've seen him for a while!

Opening adoption gift 9/26/2011

What a year it's been!  We've had many ups and downs, but, overall, many more ups than downs and we've seen amazing changes over the last year!  Jian's ASL is amazing, now we just try to remember some Chinese signs and only use our translator app for school!  His English is improving and mostly, his behavior has improved!  He's a joy to have around, he makes lots of jokes and is mostly comfortable being a part of our family!  He's in school full time, playing football, participating often in class, and making friends.

Though we often have hard times, hard days, hard moments, it's a joy to remember this is where God purposed Jian to be long ago and it's a great reminder of His sovereignty!  What a wonderful day to celebrate, and a fun time to look back and see all of the changes that have happened in one short year!

One year ago....

One year ago, we were in a hotel room in Nanjing, China, anticipating meeting our new son in the morning.  I remember being nervous, anxious, excited and stressed. I look back and vaguely remember thinking: How does one suddenly parent a 14-year-old from another country that uses another language that has never had a family before?  How does one teach and love and nurture someone who's been raised in an institution?  How does one choose to do this?

With a mighty and sovereign God guiding them, that's how.

It's exciting for us looking back and remembering, it was still nerve-wracking, but, clearly, God ordained, and so much easier to follow knowing it was His plan!  But, for Jian, how difficult and unnerving to realize he was going to go with a family to a new country, a new culture, a new language, and a new life.  Yes, it was exciting for him, but, absolutely out of his realm of knowledge and comprehension, and leaving behind everything he knew, both good and bad.

It's hard to believe that one year ago right now, we were anticipating meeting our son in less than 12 hours.  One year ago right now, all we knew about the boy who was to be our son we'd only read about in e-mails and seen in short videos.  One year ago right now, we were a family of three.  One year ago right now, God was preparing our hearts to learn how to become parents to this boy that we'd never met and didn't know, that we would learn to love.

One year ago right now, we were preparing to meet a boy that had a name given from an orphanage, no future and no hope, and within 24 hours, thanks to God's amazing provision and plan, he was given a new name, a future and a hope.  What a blessing that God could show us a perfect picture of His gospel through giving us a son.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Summer is on its way out

So, since it's almost fall (though it doesn't feel like it here in Texas), I figured I should finally write an update on our summer.  I'll put some pictures below of some of our fun summer activities.  We didn't take any big trips this summer to try to keep things a little more on an even keel for Jian and help him continue to settle in.  We took a few weekend trips, but mostly stayed around home.  Jian and Tanner both attended swimming lessons, (Jian looked like he'd been swimming for years even though these were his first lessons), Jian attended basketball camp, a football camp, and strength and conditioning camp.  We tried to keep him busy with activities!

The boys have started school and are doing great!  Tanner is loving being in 4th grade at his new elementary school (the deaf ed program moved from one school in the district to another), and Jian is doing great in the 8th grade.  He's thrilled to be playing football and he's extremely motivated to do well in school so that he can continue playing sports!  We're so thankful that he's motivated on his own and wants to do well in class to continue playing football.

We're looking forward to celebrating Jian's 1 year adoption and his 15th birthday next week!!  More on that soon!

Swimming lessons and looking cool!

Having fun at a lake in Denton with the Livingston family

Cooling off in Denton

After our caterpillars became butterflies, we let them go

Jian's first time skiing at Lake Whitney

Tubing on Lake Whitney by Grandma and Grandpa Bergeron's house

Helping Grandpa Bergeron drive the boat

Jian ready to do some skiing with the cousins

Tanner loved riding in the boat and watching everyone tube and ski

Having fun fishing at our neighborhood lake.  This is Jian's new favorite activity.

1st day of school 2011!

Having fun when Grandpa and Grandma Lenger came to visit!

Enjoying his fans

Going in for the tackle

Jian's first football game