Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Well, I've thought often about updating here, but, just had a hard time doing it. We had a nice time celebrating Tanner's adoption day. Then, Tanner had a fun weekend with 2 birthday parties and on Monday, a day off of school! We went with one of Tanner's friends from school to go indoor miniature golfing and out to lunch. It was a fun and memorable weekend (you can see a few of the celebration pictures here)! Of course, at times, it was difficult wondering what next year will be like, but, we tried to focus on celebrating him.

People often ask us how we are doing, and I often reply that it depends on the day. Last week was a hard week, maybe because of all of the celebrations and the thoughts that accompanied them. It was hard to accomplish anything, hard to talk about Tanner, hard to write about and hard to pray about. I felt like we were trying to be normal but life is not normal. I wanted to find a way to go about life again, like it used to be, but, that's not possible either. I became easily agitated and frustrated with everything and everyone, then upset with myself for becoming angry! Almost every time I would look at Tanner I wondered how long he'd be able to walk, when would he notice that something is wrong, when would he need more help, etc. I didn't want to think about it, yet, it was all I could think about. There have been some minor noticeable declines in some areas, and those are hard to think about too. It's hard to watch him and not know if his issues are normal kid issues, if they're plain stubbornness, or, if it's related to the leukodystrophy! Do I push him to continue because he should be able to do it, or, not, because he can't help it?! Sometimes I wish I knew more about the disease, and sometimes I'm glad I don't know. I hate thinking about the possibilities in the future, yet, wish I knew so that I could be prepared. I try then, to remember that I don't even know about my own future!! Thankfully, our Father knows and has always known! Some days that's easier to focus on than others. As I was adding the picture of Tanner opening his gift from us (he's signing thank you), it made me realize again, what a precious gift we've been given. I try to remember that daily. It's become a little harder lately to not be bothered that we won't have this gift forever, but, we've never been promised that we would! And what an amazing blessing that God entrusted this special gift to us.

So, this week is better. Tanner and I enjoyed eating supper in the treehouse while Jon was at a meeting, and then we had fun playing a game before bed. It was easier again to just have fun and feel normal. Hopefully things will continue this way for a while. I'm getting excited about the summer; swimming lessons, playing with friends, a trip to Glen Lake (in Michigan) with my family, and much more!

Thank you again for your continued prayers. We would appreciate your prayers for us to continue to love and teach Tanner everything we can without feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. Also, prayers for us to accept the unknown. That's often the most difficult, the unknown (of the disease, of the future, etc.). We are thankful that we can feel secure in remembering that it's irrelevant if we know the future, Tanner is safely in his Father's hands. Below are 2 encouraging verses I read last week (from The Message).

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. Psalm 34:18

You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book. Psalm 56:8


Kevin, Margaret, and Caroline said...

Those are awesome verses.

You look so pretty in that picture with Tanner. Your teeth are really coming along. And Tanner looks so tall and long legged in the picture with Jon. He's grown so much since we moved away to Houston.

We'll be at Grace again this Sunday. Maybe I'll run into you this time.

Lot of love and prayers

Carol said...

Dear Shel & Jon,
What a wonderful, and heart-wrenching new update. I had pulled up the blog to show Diane F. and all of a sudden realized there was new! We spent a lot of time going through the blog - not every entry, but most of them. She wanted to write down the scripture verses to take home - they are wonderful! I LOVE the picture of you and Tanner! And I cried over your pain - but I also know that in the middle of it, God is there - just doesn't take all the pain away. I love you all more than you can know - and pray for you every time you come to mind (quite a few times in a day)!

texhickmans said...

shelly and jon, i just want to tell you how incredibly happy my heart is when i watch tanner sing/sign in church. i love my perch at the piano bench because the view of him his just one of the most awesome things in the world! he is such a sweet little man, and our prayers are with all of you every day.

we love y'all,
sharen leigh (ben, skyler, tyler & ryder)