Held

Well, it has again been a while since I've posted, I guess because I'm not always sure what to write. Nothing has really changed, we see minor changes in Tanner, nothing huge, at least not enough to mention, but, I know people want to know what's happening.

I heard a song today that I've heard before, but, meant something different when I listened today. It's sung by Natalie Grant and is about the loss of a baby but, the two months in the verse can be changed to any age! Here are the words:

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

What a reminder that we're not promised a life without pain or suffering. Some days, it's easier to follow the bitterness and hatred, but, that spirals downward, hardening hearts. Remembering that He promised to hold us no matter what is so much more reassuring than the bitterness. This is not to say that the pain and anger aren't still there, but, to hold onto that doesn't change anything or show others what an amazing God we serve.

Thanks to an amazingly gracious Heavenly Father and your many prayers for our family, we definitely feel held. We have received many notes filled with your thoughts of love, concern and prayers and they mean more to us than you will know. We are so grateful that God has brought you into our lives to love and encourage us. It's so reassuring to have a Savior who is suffering with us, reminding us that He brought us here and will always be with us throughout this entire struggle.

We've been having a fun time the last few weeks enjoying new things with Tanner (including hatching and raising a duckling and now, a baby chicken as well), anticipating summer and spending time together making memories!

Thank you again for your prayers and love. Here are a few new prayer requests: for Tanner physically, he's having some minor problems that slightly affect his walking, we would appreciate prayers for his safety. Also, we would appreciate prayers for us to live focusing on every day and not worrying about tomorrow.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:25-27